Plodding through the Molasses

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For some magical reason, when you drive through the middle of my town, it’s as if everyone’s cars get stuck in molasses. Which would actually be pretty terrible, since there was the Boston Molasses Disaster in 1919 that ended up killing 21 people. But the sticky sludgy syrup in my town is invisible and it just slogs down everyone to about two miles per hour.

In case you were wondering what goes faster than two miles an hour, the answer would be: a. three-toed sloths, b. certain species of grass, and c. my temper.

I never thought I’d be one for road rage. But the yoga moms and business grumps that like to fling themselves in front of my car have taught me otherwise. So now when I lose races against sloths in town, I play a game my wondertwin Spencer taught me where you bet against yourself or the other passengers on how many X luxury brand cars you’ll see. You distract yourself counting all the Mercedes. Then when all the cars stop for an SUV trying to parallel park in a spot meant for Barbie’s dream toy car, you’ll feel as calm and collected as Gandhi.

Part of focusing on your bucket lists means being aware of how you’re spending your life and being in the moment. I always hear that anger is a double-edged sword, meaning it cuts you just as sharply as your target.

I’m flawed. I get irritated, impatient, and infuriated at tiny things or stupidities that are totally not worth it. Realizing what drives you crazy is valuable so you can find ways to deal with it.

Like the picture at the top here. Some of my professors would assign us readings to be done before class and THEN SPEND THE ENTIRE NEXT CLASS JUST REHASHING THE READING. My brain felt like it was atrophying. So I made tiny swirling patterns all over my planner, hiding words and pictures in the labyrinth of curving lines.

Or I’d try to come up with lists of 10 names for each gender for each letter of the alphabet. Sounds easy, but you try to find 10 names for O or Q or U.

Caught working a slow shift at the mall? I’d make up little stories about all the people walking by. Or if I got a particularly unpleasant customer, I’d make up some odd reason or quirk in my head about them to justify their churlish manner.

It’s all about the good vibes. If you surround yourself with kindness, treat others well, and think happy thoughts, you’re going to feel better and fresh and ready to drop some achievements in your bucket.

Plus, you get good karma. Delicious, gooey, warm and fuzzy feeling karma.

That’s like bucket list bonus points.


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